Editing

I whent to the shop on monday morning
I went to the shop on Monday morning.

my favorute colour purple.
My favourite colour is purple.

The House was creaky old and damp but i wasnt scared.
The house was creaky, old and damp but I wasnt scared.

It were a cold rainy day, Their safe in their car.
It was a cold, rainy day. They are safe in their car.

Hes my favourit mum said
Hes my favourite,” mum said.

The Road Ahead

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It had been a normal journey so far, but things were about to change.

For miles and miles, the only sound that filled Jake’s ears had been the comforting hum of the car engine as they drove along the highway. So comforting in fact that he had dozed off, only to be awoken by the sudden jolt as his dad slammed the brakes on the car.

Jake could not believe his eyes, the road twisted ahead of him, spiralling out of control. He thought he had gotten away from the craziness of his old life, but you can’t outrun madness forever. The road

Language

Prepositions

in the exact middle
on to
without
with
with

wound on and on
but not quite straight into the side of
as all the people
opened out of it
first on one side and then on another
were on the same floor
on the same passage
all on the left-hand side (going in)
over his garden
meadows beyond
sloping down to the river

hiding among the millions of books, buried in her reading sat a young girl in her velvet blue chair. following along eagerly with each and every word, not concerning herself with the setting sun or the fluttering page leaves

Show, Don’t Tell

cowering in the corner, lip quivering, hands shaking sat the little boy in his velvet blue chair. jaw clenching as a tear slipped down his cheek, wiping it away angrily as he made up his mind. he wouldn’t feel this way about her again.

Language Features

Simile

life is like a condom it sometimes works sometimes doesn’t <—– Sammie’s
life is like the lottery you might bet lucky but probably not lol 😉 <—- Kate’s
the jellyfish flew threw the water like a bird through the sky

Metaphor

the water is glass translucent but reflective

Personification

TABLE – strong, proud, stood
HEADPHONES – sang, heartbeat, whispered, calmer, lay, hummed
CHAIR – supportive, withstand, worn out, sat, rested
COMPUTER – smart, brainy, intelligent, fast,
BOOK – comforting, stated, slept, wise, knowledgeable, company

the tree played hide and seek in the misty fog.
the mountain stared down at its reflection dancing on the water
the tall gate stood guard watching the park around it
the house was still standing nothing could break it now